Twenty-First Century Waltons?

By Steve Fouse

The familiar scene from an old TV program shows an old-fashioned farm house with two stories and a wrap-around porch.  It is evening and the family inside is settling down for bed.  The lights downstairs are all darkened, but a couple of the upstairs bedrooms are still lighted.  From inside we can hear the voices of the some of the family members as they discuss the events of the day that they have shared, the lessons they learned, and what they think about it all.  As the conversation winds down, we hear:

“Good night, Grandpa.”

“Good night, John-Boy.”

Remember The Waltons?  The 1970’s television program chronicled the life of the young aspiring writer John-Boy Walton, his six siblings, his parents, Olivia and John Walton, Sr., and his grandparents, Esther and Zeb Walton. 

The heart-warming series focused on the way the family coped with life in Depression-era Virginia.   John-Boy, the oldest son in the family, narrated the family’s story.  John Walton, Sr., and his father operated a lumber mill, and the Walton sons helped out in the business as they grew older.

The stories always had plenty of what are known today as “family values.”  Besides running a business together, all eleven of the Waltons lived together.

In the same house!

As a teenager watching the program, I related well to John-Boy.  He was close to my age and we both were interested in careers in writing. 

However, if the Fouse family were to be cast in a revival of The Waltons, I wouldn’t be first choice to play John-Boy.  Although chronologically I am closer to John –Boy’s father, the make-up of the Fouse family would assign me the role of Grandpa Zeb Walton, the patriarch of the family.

That’s because, as hard as it is for us to believe sometimes, the children that God gave my wife Dana and me, Steven, Jr., and Rachel, are grown with children of their own. 

Rachel is married to Jonathan Johnson.  They live in Missouri and their first child, Ian David, was born on January 31. 

Steven is married to Amy and they have two sons, Corban, 4 years, and Nathan, 14 months.  These little guys call me “Grandad.”  (That sounds much less grizzled than “Grandpa, “doesn’t it?)   Dana is “Ghee,” which starts with the hard-G sound and rhymes with “bee.”

Steven, Amy, Corban, and Nathan live here in Lawton.  If our plans all work out, we will soon be quite Walton-like, in that we will all live the same house.   Our plan is to sell our house and Steven and Amy’s house and buy one together for all six of us.

If that sounds weird to you, let me tell you that it sounded pretty weird to me, too, at first.   Extended families in our culture typically don’t share a home unless circumstances force them to, right?  That’s what I thought.  However, my realtor tells me it is not that unusual these days.   And if you Google “multigenerational households,” you get over 37, 000 internet listings.

For us, the idea came about last winter, when the Lawton area was struck with a storm that layered electrical lines and streets with ice.  In advance of the storm, which forecasters had said would likely cause power outages, we invited Steven and Amy and their boys to come and stay with us till the bad weather had passed.  We also invited my mother, who also lives in Lawton.   If we lost power, we could use our fireplace to provide heat.  Everyone agreed that is seemed like a good idea, so we spent a few days together, huddling around the fireplace to stay warm, playing games, and enjoying each other’s company.  After the storm and the power outages had passed, everybody went home and we went back to our normal life.

However, a few days later, Steven and Amy announced to us that they wanted us all to live together permanently.  They said we had all gotten along so well during the storm that they thought that we could make it work.  They said there were all kinds of good reasons to do it. 

Steven pointed out that many people in our culture are isolated.  Families are fragmented.  He saw this idea as a way to create a family community, to take a stand against all the attacks our society has launched on the traditional family.   He said multigenerational families are the norm in many cultures of the world.  Families live together and support one another.

Amy agreed with him.  She added that she wished that she had been able to have a closer relationship with her own grandparents.   She wanted Dana and me to be a big part of their boys’ lives.  She also pointed out the practical aspects of shared resources, such as meals and utility bills.

Dana immediately agreed.  She thought it was a great idea.  She reminded me that the Bible gives responsibility to grandparents for passing on a spiritual heritage to grandchildren. Moses told the Israelites, “See, I have taught you decrees and laws as the Lord my God has commanded me,  so that you may follow them….Only be careful … and do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip  from your heart as long as you live.  Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” (Deuteronomy 4:5, 9, NIV). 

Dana was ready to list our house for sale and start looking for the perfect place for all of us.  I, however, being one who always requires time to think things out, was not so sure.  We had just moved to our current house a few months before that.  I wasn’t ready to think about moving again.  I was also pretty sure that this idea would seem less attractive to the rest of my family when the afterglow of our fun family time during the ice storm had faded a little.

But, I agreed to think about it and pray about it.   As the months went by, Steven and Amy and Dana continued to talk about this idea.  It did not grow less attractive to them.  They really wanted to do it.  I prayed and thought about it.  Sometimes I thought they were all crazy.  Sometimes I wondered if I was the crazy one.

After nearly a year of thinking and praying, I agreed to see if we could make it happen.  I still had some reservations, though.  We would have to sell our house.  Steven and Amy would have to sell their house.  I had heard that the house market in Lawton was slowing down.  Also, we would have to find a place that would work for us. 

 We put together a list of requirements for the perfect house for us.   We would need at least four bedrooms, preferably more, and three bathrooms.  We would need multiple living areas, so we could have a common area and separate, private areas.  A three-car garage would be nice.  I wanted a sprinkler system.  Dana wanted a big kitchen and a bigger dining room that we currently have.  

“A pretty demanding list,” I thought.   “This will only happen if God makes it happen.”

When we talked to our realtor, he didn’t think any of us were crazy.  He said he had worked with other families who were doing the same thing we were considering.    So, we listed our house.   The plan is to get a buyer for our house, then list Steven and Amy’s house, since houses in their price range typically sell quickly in Lawton. 

And, oh, by the way, our realtor knew of a house.  He thought the place would be perfect for us.  The sellers are also a multigenerational family.  We saw the house.  It has everything on our list, plus some.   In fact, it is perfect for us.  And the owners have agreed not to market their house for 60 days to give us a chance to sell ours. 

So, now we just have to sell our house.  The market is slow, but we’ve had a few lookers.  We are optimistic that God can work out all the details.  But even if He doesn’t, we’ve had the benefit of a reaffirmation to each other how important family is, of how much we all mean to each other. 

So often when couples are raising their children, they think ahead to what their lives will be like when their children are grown.   Usually they imagine a home with the just the two of them, a time when things have slowed down, when they can relax a bit more than when the children were young.  That is what Dana and I always imagined for ourselves.  There is something very attractive about that kind of life.

However, when I think about the possibility of another kind of life for us, one with four other people in our household, including two rowdy, growing boys, I don’t think I will miss that other life.  All the reasons my family listed to me for making this change are good ones.  I agree with all of them. 

But I think one reason I finally agreed with their plan is that I see an opportunity to impact my grandsons’ lives in ways I hadn’t considered before.  Dana and I can spend the next several years helping to give them a firm foundation and a greater sense of their roots. 

The apostle Paul recognized a grandparent’s impact when he wrote to Timothy, “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” (2 Timothy 1:5, NIV)

Another important reason is that I realize that those little boys also impact my life in ways I hadn’t considered before.  They make me laugh.   Every time I see them, they make me laugh.  I also experience the joy of seeing the world through their little eyes, with all the wonder and excitement that they experience.  Being with them and their parents helps keep me young.  What a blessing!

  Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
      the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
   Like a warrior's fistful of arrows
      are the children of a vigorous youth.
   Oh, how blessed are you parents,
      with your quivers full of children!  (Psalm 127:3-5, The Message)

 

back row, from the left, is our daughter-in--law Amy and our son Steven.  Steven is holding our grandson Corban, then our son-in-law Jonathan Johnson and our daughter Rachel.
In the front row is Dana holding our grandson Nathan.

 

Copyright  2008 by Steven W. Fouse